Archive for July, 2010
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for “suck here”.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but “down under.”
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go,
they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch…
Q: WHAT IS A MAN’S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A : Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
We all kiss our children, our parents. We salute our friends with the kiss on the cheek. But what about the romantic kiss? That first brush of lips that has your heart galloping and your pulse pounding?
You’ve met this fantastic guy/girl who pushes every one of your buttons. He asks you out, takes you to dinner and then sees you home. Is that first kiss going to turn you off? Is it going to make you gag, or make you weak at the knees? Many a relationship has floundered at this point. We’ve all swapped spit with the bad kisser: the lizard or snake kisser who keeps flicking and hissing, the cannibal who wants to eat you alive, the washing machine with his round and round whiz of your mouth, the spelunker who wants to delve deep without considering whether you’re suffocating or not, and so many more.
How about Mr. Wet Vac Hoover?
This is like sucking frogs out of a drainpipe. He want to suck your tongue right out of your mouth and has no intention of letting you have it back. By the time he’s finished and you’ve got your tongue back, you’ve got slobber all over your mouth. And just how many of your fillings did he suck loose?
The Vampire or Woody Woodchuck kisser.
Hey, a little nibble on the lower lip is fine, if fact it can be a hell of a turn on, but give it a break. It’s not some gourmet delicacy for you to suck and chew on. No way do I want to explain the next day why my lower lip is sporting a purple bruise.
The Speed Demon
His idea of a kiss is a prelude to getting to the main event. Overwhelm you with his kisses fast enough and he can get you into bed. Hard. Fast. No finesse at all. Yeah, guess who’s saying no to the next date offer?
The Tonsil Tickler.
He’s going for gold. Tongue straight in, takes over your mouth, until you wonder what he’s done with your tongue. Hell, there isn’t room in your mouth for your tongue. He’s taken up residence. And the only thing this type of kiss induces is the gag reflex.
Unfortunately, not all kissers are equal. A good kiss starts slow, changes, is ever mobile. It makes you smile. It makes your hormones go on the rampage. And it’s something you remember long after the event.
So what was your first kiss and how did it make you feel?
If you’re in Sydney on 13th August, don’t miss out on this exciting event!
ARRA/RWA Booksigning Event
Where: Terrace View Rooms, 1st Floor, Crowne Plaza Coogee Bay, Sydney
When: August 13th, 2010
Time: 4.30pm to 6.00pm
Nalini Singh, Vicki Lewis Thompson, Anna Campbell, Keri Arthur, Denise Rossetti, Kandy Shepherd and Kelly Hunter are just a few of the many authors attending.
Go to www.australianromancereaders.com.au or download the registration form here .
Okay, so I lost all my funny pictures I put up in the last post. I had to go in an edit out the comments I made about the photos. Not certain what I did wrong. Wordpress is still a learning curve for me. Hmm, will have to work on it.
It’s a writing day today although there’s this snarky little voice in my head that’s telling me the sun is shining and I should be outside weeding the gardens. Think I’m just going to ignore it and head off to the the outback of Australia…in my writing, of course.
Right now I feel like I want to dropkick my computer out the office window. Grr!!!!It is so slow. I type a sentence in Word and then wait for the letters to appear on the screen. And that’s when Word doesn’t decide not to respond for me, no matter what I click.
Basically, I’m short on memory to run what I need to. I’ve only had the tower about 4 years but we’re having trouble tracking down the memory stick that will fit this computer. Sure, lots of memory sticks out there, just not the one we need. I have a very dear friend in Sydney who is on the hunt for me so hopefully he can come up with something. Otherwise I can see me having to buy a new tower.
I know this isn’t the time for New Year’s resolutions, but a girl has to start somewhere. I’m a lousy blogger. I was originally dragged to it kicking and screaming, but then I realized there were times I enjoyed waffling along on my blog. Hey, it’s the one place you can state your opinion and your family can’t complain or argue, right? Anyway, what with selling our business, shifting to a new state, getting back to writing, general family health issues, and all the other things that seem to be sent to trip us up, I just lost the plot. I was going to have my web mistress take the blog down, but after a few weeks of thinking about it, I realized I’d miss it.
So here’s my slightly late New Year’s resolution. I’m going to endeavor to do better. I can’t promise to blog every day, but I am hoping to hit the trail at least once a week. So, from here on out, Friday morning(Australian time) is blog day, and if I’m really lucky, I might actually find something else to talk about more than once a week. lol My hubby tells me I have the gift of the gab. Now I just have to prove it all to you., because nothing is worse than a blog that’s going nowhere, right.
So wish me luck. Here I go!