Alexis Fleming

My apologies I didn’t blog as soon as I returned home from conference. I managed to pick up some type of bug while I was there and arrived back here coughing and spluttering all over the place.  After five days and about six boxes of tissues, I’m beginning to emerge into the real world again. Not great yet, but working on it.

On to the conference now. This year the Romance Writers’ of Australia conference was held at the Crowne Plaza at Coogee Beach in Sydney. The view from our room was outstanding.

Thursday was set aside for a workshop for published authors, with a variety of speakers. Let me tell you, if you ever get the chance to go hear Wendy Harmer speak, do so. You won’t be sorry. This lady is incredible.

I had the day off on Friday, so spent it with a friend before getting ready for the book signing. Not sooner was that finished then it was up to our room to get ready for the cocktail party. The Friday cocktail party is always themed, this year’s being “Fantasy Island” which pretty much leaves it wide open as to the choice of costumes. My daughter, Kelly Ethan, and I decided to hit the scene with a little bit of steampunk whimsy, while out roommate, Bronwyn Stuart, went with Lara Croft. One thing I now know. I’m glad I didn’t live in Victorian times. Those Victorian outfits are seriously heavy and hot!

Saturday and Sunday were back-to-back workshops with the awards dinner on Saturday night. Before we knew it, it was all over and we were headed home. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my writer friends but it was nice to get home, even if I brought the dreaded flu bug home with me. Now I just need to throw off the last of it and get back to the writing.

It’s the middle of winter over here in Australia. When we were living in New South Wales, winters were miserable. Cold and often raining. That drizzly rain that just seems to go on and on. I’m afraid this old body has too many bones that ache when it’s cold and wet so I never looked forward to the winter months. Some people like the changes that come with the winter season. The leaves turning on the trees, the shorter days, the comfort of an open fire.  Me? I’m a summer girl. I love the heat and the sunshine, the fact that I can run around in a light layer of clothing.

So I’m pleased to say that now we’ve shifted, winters are a treat. Yes, we’ve had some cold days, but nothing like we experienced in our last place. Now the temperature is sitting on a nice 27 degrees, the sun is shining, my garden is full of flowers breaking into bloom, I’m running around in cotton cargo pants and t-shirt, or alternatively, a cotton summer frock. It’s warm enough I can take the laptop out beside the pool and write.

Now this type of winter I can take!
Winter? What winter?

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for “suck here”.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but “down under.”

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go,
they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch…

AND:

Q: WHAT IS A MAN’S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A : Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

We all kiss our children, our parents. We salute our friends with the kiss on the cheek. But what about the romantic kiss? That first brush of lips that has your heart galloping and your pulse pounding?

You’ve met this fantastic guy/girl who pushes every one of your buttons. He asks you out, takes you to dinner and then sees you home. Is that first kiss going to turn you off? Is it going to make you gag, or make you weak at the knees? Many a relationship has floundered at this point. We’ve all swapped spit with the bad kisser: the lizard or snake kisser who keeps flicking and hissing, the cannibal who wants to eat you alive, the washing machine with his round and round whiz of your mouth, the spelunker who wants to delve deep without considering whether you’re suffocating or not, and so many more.

How about Mr. Wet Vac Hoover?

This is like sucking frogs out of a drainpipe. He want to suck your tongue right out of your mouth and has no intention of letting you have it back. By the time he’s finished and you’ve got your tongue back, you’ve got slobber all over your mouth. And just how many of your fillings did he suck loose?

The Vampire or Woody Woodchuck kisser.

Hey, a little nibble on the lower lip is fine, if fact it can be a hell of a turn on, but give it a break. It’s not some gourmet delicacy for you to suck and chew on. No way do I want to explain the next day why my lower lip is sporting a purple bruise.

The Speed Demon

His idea of a kiss is a prelude to getting to the main event. Overwhelm you with his kisses fast enough and he can get you into bed. Hard. Fast. No finesse at all. Yeah, guess who’s saying no to the next date offer?

The Tonsil Tickler.

He’s going for gold. Tongue straight in, takes over your mouth, until you wonder what he’s done with your tongue. Hell, there isn’t room in your mouth for your tongue. He’s taken up residence. And the only thing this type of kiss induces is the gag reflex.

Unfortunately, not all kissers are equal. A good kiss starts slow, changes, is ever mobile. It makes you smile. It makes your hormones go on the rampage. And it’s something you remember long after the event.

So what was your first kiss and how did it make you feel?

Okay, so I lost all my funny pictures I put up in the last post.  I had to go in an edit out the comments I made about the photos. Not certain what I did wrong. Wordpress is still a learning curve for me. Hmm, will have to work on it.

It’s a writing day today although there’s this snarky little voice in my head that’s telling me the sun is shining and I should be outside weeding the gardens. Think I’m just going to ignore it and head off to the the outback of Australia…in my writing, of course.

Right now I feel like I want to dropkick my computer out the office window. Grr!!!!It is so slow. I type a sentence in Word and then wait for the letters to appear on the screen. And that’s when Word doesn’t decide not to respond for me, no matter what I click.

Basically, I’m short on memory to run what I need to.  I’ve only had the tower about 4 years but we’re having trouble tracking down the memory stick that will fit this computer. Sure, lots of memory sticks out there, just not the one we need. I have a very dear friend in Sydney who is on the hunt for me so hopefully he can come up with something. Otherwise I can see me having to buy a new tower.

For my American friends

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY