Alexis Fleming

Well, this last week has been hard. I’ve put in very little computer time and even less writing time. Grr. Talk about frustrating. I’ve been having a problem with my left eye for quite a few weeks now and finally I found out what it is. I have an ulcer on the cornea. The specialist thinks it’s probably from a virus that got into my eye and sited itself in some scar tissue from an old operation. Whatever caused it, it’s a pain in the butt. No, actually a pain in the eye. lol It’s meant I’ve had to spend a lot of time away from the computer until the eye heals. I’m still using antibiotic and steroid eyedrops, but it’s feeling way better. It’s stopped tearing constantly and the pain isn’t anywhere near as bad. Hopefully the drops will shrink the scar tissue and I won’t need to have surgery to remove it as the infection had thickened the tissue in that area. Kind of like have thousands of eyelashes in your eye all at the same time.

What it does mean is I’m behind on my work in progress which is a bummer. Last week I managed 16 thousand words. This week it has been 2 thousand, so I’m feeling a little stressed. Hopefully, now I can get back to the writing, things will start to flow again and I’m get more done next week. I never realized how addicted I was to this writing lark until I couldn’t do it.  I’ve been going into serious withdrawal. lol

And on that note, I’m going back to work. Hubby is cooking dinner so I can try and catch up a bit.

My friend Sue keeps me in jokes and smart sayings. It’s a good way to start the day. These made me chuckle so I thought I’d share.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt’in me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…. I was gett’in laid!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?

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And the best for last: —

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

I’m a tired little Aussie ducky today. The reason? Not enough sleep. We had a wedding party and guests booked into the motel last night. We should have figured we were going to have problems when the mother of the groom booked in and demanded we put her as far as possible from the father of the groom, and she wasn’t too nice about it either. Talk about airing your dirty linen in public! *shaking head here*

So we got all that settled down and off they all went to the wedding. And came home! Very noisily! After midnight! Now hubby and I are pretty easy-going, but there comes a point when we have to put a stop to all the highjinks because of other, non-wedding guests in the motel. So out of bed we climb, get dressed, and head out to quell the noisemakers. Turns out they’d all congregated in one room and decided to have themselves another party after the wedding reception. Okay, I can go with that, provided you don’t smoke in my rooms, and provided you keep your noise down.

Nah, not going to happen. The demon drink had the upper hand and they are not interested in being rational. Can one actually be rational when three sheets to the wind? And there’s always one smartass in the group, who is ready to put ‘em up and duke it out for the right to be an…ass. It took us until the wee small hours of the morning to get the hangers-on tossed out of the motel, the guests quietened down and back to their own rooms, and ourselves back to bed. Then I couldn’t go back to sleep for what remained of the night. Grrr! And what’s the bet I have trouble getting them all out at normal check-out time today?

Why, oh why, do they have to ruin a good thing? They could have had their party and then toddled off to bed without upsetting the rest of the guests, and getting the moteliers off-side. They are damned lucky we didn’t call the police to have them all evicted. And I dread to think what my rooms are going to be like when I get them all out today. *groan*

Party, anyone???

Wednesday the conference started with the literacy signing. I have never seen so many people gathered together in one area for a book signing. Thursday it was into the workshops and the free book giveaways. I’m not about to admit how much it cost me for excess luggage coming home.

I met a lot of fantastic people. Authors, editors, agents. Everyone having a good time. And it’s amazing who you run into in the smoking area. lol All in all it was a terrific conference, culminating in the awards ceremony for the Rita and Golden Heart winners on Saturday night. Congratulations to them all.

Kelly and I headed home on Monday and were surprised when we got upgraded to Business class for the homebound trip. What a difference! I thoroughly enjoyed the conference but it’s good to be home. Today I’m washing and trying to catch up before I hit the computer and get back to writing. *groan* That’s the hardest part of traveling. The unpacking and washing when you get home. It’s time I headed back to the laundry to collect the next load so I’ll leave you with a few more photos.

SAN FRANCISCO TRAM

Kelly Ethan and one of Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Cover Models

Mom and Daughter, author Kelly Ethan

Authors Lyn Cash and Kelly Ethan

Theresa Stevens(Executive Editor from Red Sage) , Alexis Fleming from Australia, Sara Hantz from New Zealand, Lyn Cash from Kansas

Sara Hantz and Theresa Stevens

Okay, so I fell down on the blogging. I had planned to blog every night while I was away but time had a way of getting away from me.

Now where was I? I think I was up to Tuesday. That was the day we all went sightseeing. We had a ball. Got on one of those hop on-hop off bus tours and went all over the place. I was a bit disappointed in Union Square. Everyone said we should go there, so we did, but I guess I expected more. But I have to say the shops around there were fantastic. lol Kelly and I went crazy.

UNION SQUARE

KELLY IN FRONT OF MONUMENT IN UNION SQUARE

After hitting the shops, we jumped on the tour bus again and headed off to Fisherman’s Wharf and Pier 39. What a blast. We became regular tourists and walked around for hours enjoying the sights.

KELLY WANTED TO RIDE THIS.

THE SEAL COLONY

THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE SHROUDED IN MIST

ALCATRAZ

KELLY AT HARD ROCK CAFE

As you can see, Kelly is more than ready to go. We’re back at the airport now and it’s bedlam.  We’d forgotten all about World Youth Day here in Australia and the place is packed with religious personnel and children/young adults going home.

So we get on the plane and oh, horrors! There is so little room that when you sit down your knees touch the back of the seat in front of you. And that’s before the person in front of you puts their seat-back down. What was worse was the service. We had one man who was pretty good. I can’t say the same for the rest of our flight attendants back in economy. In fact, I was disgusted at the rudeness of the staff. Thankfully we arrived in San Francisco almost an hour early. Thank God for tail winds.

Then it was on to the hotel. We are staying at the Marriott in downtown San Francisco. It was a bit off-putting when we arrived to find everything was dark and there were fire people, police and electricity maintenance men everywhere. They were in the middle of a massive power outage. We didn’t find out until later that there had been an underground explosion that knocked out four blocks of the downtown area. All we knew was that after a horrendous flight, we couldn’t get into our room. Late in the afternoon we finally got to our room, but found we still had no power. No lights, and let me tell you, finding your way around a jet-black bathroom is interesting to say the least. Also, no power, no restaurants working, which means no food. So leaving number one daughter in the room, off I trouped, walking the streets until I found food for dinner, something to drink, and would you believe it? A flashlight. Lol

Today has been far better, although the weather is colder, but that’s okay, because we found the shops. We spent hours stocking up on new clothing. What a buzz. Our room mate, author Lyn Cash, turned up so we sat and talked for ages before having dinner. Tomorrow it’s more shopping and some sightseeing. Right now it’s off for an early night. We’re still feeling the effects of jetlag.

Here we are at the beginning of our trip to America for the RWA National conference. When I say we, I mean my daughter Kelly Ethan and Yours Truly. Kelly flew down from up north and I came up from down south. We met in Sydney and at the moment we’re sitting in one of the airport hotels, relaxing and reading.

My daughter let me know in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t about to give up the only chair in the room. But that’s okay because I got the only spare pillow in the room. lol

After we talked ourselves silly for a couple of hours, we hit Krispy Kreme Donuts and had ourselves a sugar shot. Kelly needed a photo of the Krispy Kreme place because she’s never seen a Krispy Kreme outlet befrore.

Now we’re well and truly ready for bed. Tomorrow it’s up early for breakfast and then off to the airport again for the American leg of our journey.
There’s no internet in the rooms at this hotel and I’m not about to run down to use the wireless in the public areas in my nightie. So I won’t be able to post this until we hit San Francisco. I’ll talk to you all then.

I’m off to Sydney tomorrow where I’ll meet my daughter off the plane from Brisbane.  We’ll spend the night in Sydney at one of the airport hotel and then we fly out the next day for San Francisco and the Romance Writers of America National conference. I am so looking forward to catching up with my American friends, in particularly my American critique partner, Sunny.  We are going to have ourselves some fun.

Of course, we’re working. too. Right? lol

Check in here. I plan on blogging and letting everyone know what I’m getting up to.

My friend Sue sent me this. I just had to share it. It’s priceless.